Oh Harriett. How lucky you are. You, all plush and cushion, and faux red locks. Is it easy to be a doll Harriett? You see, I am a human being and I just get so wrapped around the tree of the hanged man....woman....human. I feel this terror and it paralyzes my body and renders it useless. I curl up like a deflated something made in China and I can't come out of my burrow. There is so much fear in me that sometimes i do not feel like I occupy this body anymore. Did I ever? Harriett? Am I restricted to this burden of a body, confined to trembling blood and tarnished skin? Disconnected... disassociated. You don't ever feel that way. Yo are a doll. You are my best friend. You will always be Harriett and you will never leave me. People disappear and their ghosts corrode my sun with specks of memories I care very much to be immune to. I get so angry at the discomfort. This body. This shroud. There are times that I just want to be as a snake and shed. I want to be new. I feel the World taint me the minute I leave the house. Harriett? Oh, I wish you could talk. I know you can hear me, but I need to hear your voice like a lost animal in the dessert needs water. To be human is to be vulnerable and susceptible to many impurities and circumstances. To be human is often to be helpless. We are all helpless with that great gift of mortality we have been given...the sorrow of your body turning to dust before you as the life still pulses, faintly, but just enough for you to see another day go by. I don't want to wait to die Harriett. Oh, I get so scared sometimes. I get so angry. Why? I question why. Why bother? Life is much hurt and defilement and confusion and torment at times....the tornado assaults me sometimes, it spins and whirls until I can't see....the light....the life....feel the pulse of blood pound at my temples. Do you ever feel invisible Harriett? I try to be the best friend I can be. You are the most reliable. You are always here waiting for me to return. You never leave. Human beings leave and my heart feels as if it were being crushed in a vice. The vacancy, the empty, the without. Contact, Why, it seems they always leave me. Am i garbage Harriett? Am I really that disposable. I suppose I don't act right or I smell funny or...I just become a non-entity. A lost and betrayed memory. I don't understand Harriett. You are the only one. The only one that has remained. Loyal. A constant fixture among an overwhelming hurricane. Gee. I need and I don't want to need. The hollows threaten me; they place their horror-bodies on my bed and I am terrified to sleep. terrified to go to bed. How can I not be? And the insomnia. The fighting to stay awake. The push and pull like some medieval terror device ringing pain throughout my exhausted, but jerky body. Harriett? Harriett? Did you fall asleep? I wish you could tell me what all this means. I feel I may go rather mad keeping it all to myself like a toxic volcano.I never know when my head will explode. I must be strange for thinking such things right Harriett? , Sometimes i want to scream at you for remaining silent. I am jealous of your simplicity. You must hear me though, you must. There is something unique about you Harrietta. I sense your eyes shift when I shift and you eminate a silent wisdom that both placates and infuriates me. I wish we could switch places a couple times a week. I am ready for my retirement fund and I am only 15. am I going to cease the monsters until I doe. Okay, Harriett, I won't say such hideous things for remainder of the day. Oh, but it is so tiresome when the giant ill switch is broken and I can't turn it off. Harriett, can you teach me the art of utter silence. You are like Zen. Something isn't quite right. Everybody knows. I feel their eyes grow scared when i begin to talk the way I do in front of you. I cannot reveal myself to these people. I am so lonely amongst my peers. Don't they feel it too? Harriett? Silence.
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